An Open Letter to Women

“I see when men love women.  They give them but a little of their lives.  But women when they love give everything.” – Oscar Wilde

Early one morning as I was praying for my family, I began to reflect on some of the thinking patterns I had, choices I made, and actions taken towards women that were in no way beneficial to their growth.  I was then inspired to construct this “Open Letter of Apology” to all the women who have been the recipient of the negative actions of men.

Let me first start by saying, I am so grateful that my past has not defined me, but has been used as a tool to refine me into the MAN that I am today.  However, this transition and transformation was not something that I just “fell” into; it took a willing and intentional effort on my part to admit, confront, and deal with a mindset that was entrenched so deep that it was very challenging to overcome.  Thank God for placing within me the will and desire to be better, and giving me a wonderful wife who continues to champion and assist me as I continue this life’s journey of freedom and value.

How did this start?

When we men are confronted with a counterproductive choice we have made, it is easier for us to say that it was the action of someone else that precipitated that behavior instead of taking full responsibility for our actions.  Unfortunately, the “genesis” of this behavioral pattern started in Genesis.  Even Adam when confronted with his disobedient action, blamed the woman (Genesis 3:11-12).  No, we were not created that way; however, we did take on that (Adamic) nature because of Adam’s decision of deliberate disobedience.  What is that nature?  That nature is the perceived need to self-preserve no matter what collateral damage ensues.  It is that mindset that for years has viewed women from an ancillary and not complementary position.  For that, I apologize.

Women, I apologize for all the men who have been the purveyors of hurt.  In other words, most hurts can oftentimes be traced back to a male figure.  There is no right way to explain a wrong; however, let me help to uncover the reason (not an excuse) as to why that has been.  For as long as I can remember, which is just a blurb of time compared to man’s existence, many societies have taught most males–starting at a very young age–that they are not to cry and/or feel pain.  We have been taught/told to “suck it up,” “be a man,” and “stop acting like a woman” to name a few phrases.  For the majority of their lives, these phrases have been expressed to males by both men and women.  Well, unless I’ve been bamboozled, hurts, internal pains and tears are not gender specific. 

Therefore, where do these hurts and pains go 
when a male is experiencing these feelings?


Unfortunately, we have been conditioned to internalize them.  However, in doing so, we become unaware that by continually internalizing those feelings, they eventually produce external symptoms.  Simply put, “Hurt people…Hurt people.”  Consequently, we men then externalize those hurts in various forms of abuse–manipulation and control, promiscuity, substance addiction, etc.  Additionally, oftentimes we aren’t even realizing the source of those symptoms due to never being taught or given the opportunity or freedom to process the seed that was planted to produce the destructive behavioral harvest.  Therefore, we stay a prisoner, bound in that mindset.  Again I exclaim, not an excuse but a reason.

Women, I apologize for all the men who you have trusted in to protect, lead, or guide you that have used their positions to take advantage of you.  I believe it’s safe to assume, some have been relatives, supervisors, and unfortunately even clergy.  It is becoming more and more apparent that creeping compromise has been the snowflake which has rolled into an eventual avalanche.  This transpires when we men allow and rationalize deviant behavior to be our norm until it reaches pronounced levels before we are forced to admit, confront, and deal with it.  A position will not cure it, neither will a perception. 

You may be saying,

“If I can’t trust someone who is clergy, then who can I trust?”

Short answer, trust in God first and then trust the God in you (Psalms 118:8).  As I stated earlier, we have been conditioned to internalize and keep in isolation personal challenges that we are dealing with.  Why?  Mainly because of pride, and for reasons stated earlier.  Although it takes strength to go past one’s feelings to deal with shortcomings and weaknesses, ego (pride’s offspring) has caused most men to ignore or minimize deviant behavioral patterns and their impact on those they oversee.  Pride has even caused many of us to feel that we have the antidote to self-medicate.  At times, we men believe that we can “fix” ourselves thinking “we aren’t that bad off”.  Wow!  Even as I am writing this, I can remember situations and the times I had that same mindset.  Thank God for Spiritual Maturity!

As a husband and a father–who has a teenage daughter–I have seen the adverse effects that a hurt mindset can have on the maturation and leadership of a family.  It takes tenacity and a willingness to break the negative generational cycle for positive growth to take place.  I continue on that journey daily.  Is it easy?  NO!  But I and they are worth it.

Women, I pray that you accept this apology on behalf of all the men you have come across that may never personally tell you that they apologize for the way that they have treated you.  Some may still even feel that they did nothing wrong.   Well, I know through experience, learning and application that the victim always remembers.  That is one of the reasons I decided to write this open letter.  I pray that this serves as a formal apology to you, so that you can forgive us collectively, and those specifically, who have injured you mentally, emotionally, physically, or any combination of the three.  Learn to forgive.  Forgiveness does not mean that the other person is right; it just frees YOU to live.

I pray that you will choose today to start living at a ten!  You deserve it!

Aim High…

© 2012 Aldean Pearson

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Aldean “Al” Pearson is a Professional Speaker, Trainer, and Growth Coach.  He is the Co-Founder of the LĪVE! movement, a speaking, training and coaching organization committed to developing extraordinary people, families, and businesses. His “up-front and candid,” yet at times humorous approach empowers his clients and audiences to look past their limitations to find the hidden gems of capability within. He is married with twin boy and girl. 
Contact: AlPearson1@gmail.com

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Presents vs. Presence

"What is the greatest gift you can give your children?  
Answer: To be Present and Active in their lives moving forward. Your Active Presence should always take precedence over your Material Presents.

Alism

Oftentimes we find ourselves so busy doing the work of The King that we tend to forget about or overlook The King Himself.  That posture even permeates other areas in our lives.  For example, when you look at your life, do you find yourself so busy taking care of your family that you have overlooked spending time with them?  

I now realize when looking back on my life how not having my Dad spending active quality time with me has affected my interaction with my own children.  Fortunately, back then I had siblings that I was able to fall back on to get the needed attention I was craving – being the middle child didn’t help either. However, nothing can replace the feeling a child gets when his Dad or Mom takes the time to spend with them with no ulterior motive.  Yes, I grew up in a financially challenged household (to put it mildly) and yes, my Mom and Dad did the best they could with the revelation they had.  However, that did not negate the need for their active presence in my life.

Quality time to a child is like water to a flower. Now having a family of my own, it was and continues to be a determined effort on my part to spend active quality time with my children.  Thanks to my wife Juli, I have – and as a work in process – turned around my perception of “active quality” time with my children.  Today, we understand that Family comes First.  Our children know and understand that when no one else is there to support them they can look around and find Dad and/or Mom cheering them on.  Yes, they get the presents, but after those are gone it’s our active presence that they will one day talk about with their children.

Just as God would rather you spend time “with Him” than just relegate the majority of the relationship doing things for Him or getting things from him – your wife, husband, children, and family are yearning for similar attention. Why not schedule time with those important in your life.  We may be able to buy material things to pacify our absence; however, quality time is priceless.  Make a difference by choosing to be different.  Your active presence is far greater than your presents. 

Aim High…

© 2012 Aldean Pearson

_____________________________________________________________________________

Aldean “Al” Pearson is a Professional Speaker, Trainer, and Perspective Coach.  He is the Co-Founder of the LĪVE! movement, a speaking, training and coaching organization committed to developing extraordinary people, families, and businesses. His “up-front and candid,” yet at times humorous approach empowers his clients and audiences to look past their limitations to find the hidden gems of capability within. He is married with twin boy and girl. 
Contact: AlPearson1@gmail.com

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Are you a PIMP?

“When Purpose is defined, everything is put in its proper perspective.”

                                                                                      Julianne Pearson

  

Here is a new take on the word PIMP!  I have composed an acronym for the word PIMP which describes a Person Intentionally Manipulating Purpose!  The Purpose of what you may ask…the purpose of a gift.  Let’s first define a gift.

The World English Dictionary gives one definition of a gift as a “special aptitude, ability, or power; talent.”  Secondly, Myles Munroe states that, “When purpose is not defined, abuse is inevitable.”  With these two understandings, let’s delve deeper into the PIMP world.

Most of us have heard, seen, or been involved directly or indirectly, with the common identification and definition of a pimp!  The term has had its evolution from one who exploits women for sexual gratification in order to live off their earnings to include today’s colloquial expressions meaning a male talented in attracting females or making something cool or better.  These definitions, when examined closely, are not intended to focus on the purpose of the person or object but on the benefits another gains from its manipulation.  Each of us is a gift and we have been created for a particular purpose.  Oftentimes it is due to a misunderstanding of our value that has allowed some of us to be PIMP’d and become PIMPs.  We all have special abilities, powers, and talents.  Therefore, we ALL should consider ourselves as gifts.  It is when the true purpose of the gift has not been defined that we find ourselves manipulated and at times, manipulating others. 

For example, even in the crudest definition of a pimp, it exposes the manipulation of Purpose and the Gift.  Just like a pimp exploits the gift called woman (and even a man on some occasions), we too can find ourselves pimping the gifts in others for personal gain as well.  You see, when we intentionally manipulate others through exposing their weaknesses, addictions, and vulnerabilities; we play the role of a PIMP.  What most PIMPs won’t tell you is that underneath the flamboyance of their persona lies a hurt, wounded, and vulnerable soul.  They too are a gift that has not been defined and embraced.  Therefore, through their own abuse they become a purveyor of abuse.

Here’s the good news, it’s never too late to make a new beginning.  With this enlightenment we can now begin the journey to recognize and appreciate the value we have inside.  This starts as we view ourselves as a gift and then begin the healing process needed to set proper boundaries.  Once purpose is defined, you will then start to look and put things in their proper perspective.  This will empower you to appreciate the gift in others and help as oppose to hurt; build rather than destroy; co-create instead of compete; and promote rather than put down. 

There’s the saying, “Pimpin' ain’t easy.”  Well, let’s make it that more difficult by choosing to walk in our authenticity, pursuing purpose, and setting proper personal boundaries for how we will first value and conduct ourselves and then those with whom we come in contact.   

Aim High…

© 2012 Aldean Pearson

_____________________________________________________________________________

Aldean “Al” Pearson is a Professional Speaker, Trainer, and Perspective Coach.  He is the Co-Founder of the LĪVE! movement, a speaking, training and coaching organization committed to developing extraordinary people, families, and businesses. His “up-front and candid,” yet at times humorous approach empowers his clients and audiences to look past their limitations to find the hidden gems of capability within. He is married with twin boy and girl. 
Contact: AlPearson1@gmail.com

Become Inspired! 
Join our Facebook page: www.Facebook.com/AldeanPearson
Follow us on Twitter: www.Twitter.com/AldeanPearson
Connect on LinkedIn: www.Linkedin.com/in/aldeanpearson